My (not so) Little Man

My little man turned 8 on Saturday.


It, quite frankly, broke my heart.


He is getting older.  Becoming his own "person".


Does this growing up thing get any better?


Am I going to feel like this every year until he is 30?


Am I going to feel like this every time the other two celebrate a birthday?


I pretty sure the answer is YES.  Sigh.


I wonder if all moms feel this way on their children's birthday.  I wonder if they can replay the day of their childs birth... like I do mine at various times throughout their birth day.  I find myself thinking at different times during the day of just what Matt and I were doing when he was born.


Yeah I'm a bit crazy...


5:00 am head to the hospital.


5:15 stop at Whataburger so Matt can eat in front of me
 *side note...I was terrified to eat anything the day before being induced for fear I might have to poop.  Its true.  I was so scared that they were going to give me an enema that I tried to outsmart the system.  I thought If I don't eat, yes a 9 month pregnant woman trying to abstain from food, I wouldn't have anything in my system to flush out, therefore avoiding the dreaded enema.  So I didn't eat that morning before giving birth.  I wish I had because they gave me the enema anyway.  And it wasn't so bad. Not like the horror that I had envisioned. 


5:16 Get a call from my friend Courtney, who had been on a drunken good time all night, and talk her out of meeting us at the hospital in 15 minutes.


5:20 Keep talking to Courtney hoping she would rationalize what she was trying to do.  Suceed and hang up as we arrive at Labor and Delivery.


7:30 petocin and contractions


11:30 request epidural and get it.


12:00 inlaws show up and hang out while I watch the John Edwards Show and try to explain to my mother what exactly he does.


2:30 the doctor comes in and tells me I need a c-section


3:11 Tyler is born


The rest of the day is a blur of emotions, family, and friends


10:45 I hold my son for the first time. ( I was pissed it took this long to bring me my baby! I think it was because I wasn't breastfeeding and they were taking their sweet damn time)

I remember just how I felt at that very moment and emotion overcomes me even now when I think about it.  I always knew that I would be a mother but I didn't know just how it would make me feel.  

Now he is 8.  

Half way to driving.  WTH?

He is the best kid.  He is thoughtful, considerate, caring, and thank god he got my sense of humor!  

He loves to laugh and cut up and I think it is his mission in life to hear his sister giggle.  The are the best of friends and I love to hear the little voice come from the back seat of the car, "I love you Ty" and he returns the sentiment with an, "I love you more Raegan"!  

I cant wait to see what the future holds for my sweet Little Man but my heart breaks as the years go by because I know that in the future he will not be all mine. 

Sigh.