Everything is Chaos!

In a good way....of course!  I just wanted to update since I found a minute.  


We sold our house!


We are currently shopping for one in Lubbock!


I have made 3 trips to Lubbock in the past week.....I'm exhausted!


We are on our second offer.  Second house.  


We have lots of choices so I'm not too worried.


What I am worried about is where we are having Christmas.  But I am at the point that I don't care WHERE we spend it as long as we get to have it with the kids.  Which I'm sure we will.  The rest of the family is just details.  


Maybe an even bigger worry should be the fact that we are officially homeless on December 29th.  


Wow.  


I'm not too worried because we have places to go....but I'm working on it.  


I still have lots of Christmas shopping to do and limited funds.  No big deal.  We are just trying to buy a house.  But its no different than every other year where we don't have any money. 


We have a busy month.


I have my brother's wedding in Fredericksburg on the weekend of the 18th, which I'm so excited about.  But still have nothing for the entire family to wear.


Actually here is a list of things to do:

1. Pack up the house, but keep the necessities readily available in case we have to live at my parents for a couple of weeks.
2. Cringe at #1.
3. Get enough boxes for #1 to be possible.
4. Find stuff for all 5 of us to wear to the wedding.
5. Find a place to live (house to buy)
6. Finish Christmas shopping.
7. Make sure our bills are paid so we get financing for a new house.
8. Cringe at #1 again.
9. Wrap all Christmas presents.
10. Try to bake all of the goodies that help make Christmas special.
11. Get Aubry's pictures done ASAP....possibly Raegan and Ty too!
12. Go online and get wedding present for my brother.
13. Figure out what I am going to do with my hair so I don't look like shit at my brother's wedding.
14. Christmas cards done and sent.
15. Have a nervous breakdown at #1
16. Get a date for a move depending on #5 closing date.  
17. Schedule a UHAUL depending on #16.

There is crap tons more in my head but you get the idea.  

Hey, Get a Cup Towel

The dreaded words that i absolutely hated hearing.  The words my Mom always said on any given evening, as far back as I can remember.  


They still, to this day, make my skin crawl!  


Get a cup towel always meant that my Mom needed me to dry the dishes.  Annnnd put them away as I went! 


We had a dishwasher.  


What the HELL?


Well the other night as I was doing my own dishes.  My own, 32 year old, dishes I realized something.  I was alone.  Doing the dishes by myself.  And even though I enjoy peace and quiet ANY time I can get it, it was odd. It was odd listening to all of the household commotion going on in the background of my own thoughts.  


Matt was wrestling Raegan into her pajamas, Tyler was singing, and Aubry was babbling and hollering at the top of her lungs.  That was ok with me.  I loved the fact that Matt finally had his turn at doing what I do everyday. 


It actually made me laugh to myself.  


And I know that, in his head, he was thinking about how much bullshit it is to have to do all of the bullshit he was having to do.  And where on earth is my wife? AND WHY ISN'T SHE HELPING ME?!?!?  


I guarantee that is exactly what went through the Dad brain of his.


But I kept washing.


Alone.


With my thoughts.


And I got all nostalgic for a minute.  I remembered how every night, without fail,  my Mom would tell me to get a cup towel.  She needed help with the dishes.  I remember how I hated it.  How bad it sucked.


And while I was alone that very minute, in my own grown up kitchen, I suddenly wished I had someone to talk to.  Then I started thinking of all of the talks we had.  How we bonded every night over the dishes.  


I realized.  For about 45 minutes of my mother's day, she had my attention.  And I hers.  And we would talk.  


We would talk about our day.  Talk about my dad, brother, or whoever the hell we needed to hash out.  We would laugh, we would talk about anything that came to mind, but most importantly we would connect.  We would connect with each other like we would not otherwise have done....without those dishes.


I mean, we had a dishwasher, but my mom insisted that I help dry the dishes. And I know now, that it was just an excuse so she could have me all to herself.


What woman LIKES to do dishes?  My 12 year old brain was convinced that it was MY mom!  


But now, my 32 year old brain knows now that it was just her trying to keep that line of communication open with her teenage daughter.   


I know that now.  I wished I knew it then, and could appreciate it as much as I do now.


Because after all, I now have two daughters of my own, and I only hope that we have the kind of relationship that THEY can talk to me in that same way I used to talk to my Mom.


Now when I go home to visit, and I see my mom start the dishwater, without thinking, I "Grab a Cup Towel" without being told.  Because, now, I enjoy spending that time with my mom.  Just being in her kitchen.  Having a chat. 


So, one of these days, when Raegan and Aubry are old enough to "Grab a Cup Towel" I will get the same eye roll that I used to give my Mom.  But I can over look it.  


You know why? 


Because that will mean that I get them, for at least 45 minutes, all to myself.

Halloween

Matt was gone all week again.  Damn why can't we sell this stupid house??? Grrrrrr....

But when he was home this weekend we had such a good time with him.

Friday night bowling...

She certainly LOVES her daddy!

Saturday was Ty's Fall Festival at school! Where I was appalled to find this...

The "Make Your Own Damn Cake Walk"! Seriously! What the Hell is the world coming to when you cant go to a child's festival at school and the lazy, good for nuthin' Mothers of the world won't get off their kesters and bake a cake! SERIOUSLY! This really grinds my gears!!

But something that doesn't, and makes me smile to no end is my sweet kitty, little witch, and my big 'ol vampire!

They love Trick-or-Treating so much! And frankly so do I! Halloween is my second favorite holiday of the year...And since we have our house on the market I couldn't strow out all of my Halloween decorations this year.

I'm still pissed about it!

That costume that Aubry is in.

My baby that is now 7 months old.

The one that is a giant!

Aubry.

It was the one that Raegan wore when she was 18months old.

It fit. Perfect!

My big ol fat baby! 

I just love it!

Its Happening

Its happening and I have no control over it! I noticed it the other day.  During a friendly game of basketball with the family, I noticed it.  I'm not sure if it happened over night, or if life has just gotten so away from me I haven't been paying attention. 

His legs are unusually long.  Longer than before.  His cheeks are gone.  The only thing left of my "little" boy are the precious freckles across his nose.  

These.

Isn't that just the sweetest smile EVER.  I never want these sweet little freckles and pointy little spikes in his hair hair to go away.  I might even force him to have spiky hair forever.  Especially if he tries to sport the Justin Bieber hairdo.  Over my dead body!

I have noticed a few more things that go along with this to confirm my findings. He shuts the door when he pees.  Which isn't a bad thing for him to begin doing....he DOES have two sisters that doesn't need to witness that.  Raegan caught him in the bathroom not too long ago, and made a huge mess in the bathroom floor later that night while trying to pee standing up.  So the bathroom door thing I can live with.

He does everything I tell him to do.  The first time I tell him.

He has started rolling his eyes when has to do something he doesn't want to do.  

He gets EMBARRASSED.  I can be pretty embarrassing at times so this kid has no idea what I am capable of  and I hate that he might realize just how embarrassing I can be. 

He checks out library books according to what he thinks his little sister might like for him to read to her.  Even if it is a Dora book.  Even if he gets made fun of for checking out a "baby" book.  He loves her and she thinks he hung the moon.  

He is her best friend.    

But lately he wants to be by himself.  He insists she get out of his room.  He is too cool to play with her.

He isn't as playful and goofy as he always has been.

He cares what clothes he is wearing and if he looks cool or not  

I knew it was coming.  I expected it would be soon. 

Its breaking my heart.  

Tyler is growing up.

Damnit.

Sleep. Oh How I Miss You.

I think there is something wrong with my sweet baby.  She hasn't slept good in a few weeks.  I think she might have an ear infection.  She has been stuffy and cruddy.  And waking up every hour in the night. 

I have the humidifier going and the Tylenol in full flow.  But I hate to take her to the doctor in fear that he will tell me it is just me.

That I'm nuts.

But as the Mom.  

I know. 

She is just not herself.

Then. Today. The fever reared its ugly head.

As much as I don't want to wish sickness on my child.  

I am glad.  Cause I knew.

As the Mom.

She just wasn't herself. 

So to end a lazy weekend full of Disney movies, HGTV, and Wii games we have a sick baby.  

And a 3 year old on the verge.

{Sigh}

On a day several years ago.  And just one baby in to this life.  I would have set up shop to prepare for the fever. The sleepless nights.  Not leave the house except for the doctor.  Quarantine I would call it.  

But not now. 

Three kiddos in to this life....We go to the park instead.  Cause Hell, she is already sick.  

Horrible I know!

And BTW....I love THIS story.  It makes me cry every time I read it.  And I just love how beautiful she is.

Tuesday Ten

Here is my Tuesday Ten!!  Also, justin case there might be anyone who reads this silly thing then PLEASE pray for us to sell our house! Please...




1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed?
Smoke.  I only do it when I'm stressed or socially.

2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend?
I don't think I have had to do any weird things for friends.  Odd.

3. What cleaning supply could you not live without?
Windex

4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside?
Not long at all.  It is for sale...wanna buy it? Cause I have found the house to move to already and am just waiting to sell this one.

5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all?
I dont vote for things I know nothing about...like politics.

6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for?
Read or cook.

7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people?
Eggameyers

8. What’s the weather like around you today?
FANTASTIC!!

9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read?
Second Chance by Jane Green.  She usually has some great stuff...not this one!

10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow?
The flowers on my baby's jammies.  Yes.  I know its 10:40 am and I have not gotten her dressed for the day.  So?

Tuesday Ten

This comes from this blog! I love it!

1. What keeps you up at night? (figuratively)

Life.  My life.  Other peoples lives.  I worry about everything when laying in bed!  And since I wake up several times in a night it leaves lots of time for worry.

2. What keeps you up at night? (literally)

The baby's paci falls out of her mouth and I have to get up and put it back in.  Raegan pees the bed and I have to get up and put her in the shower and change sheets all while not waking up the baby. Matt snores or breathes his hot breath in my face.

3. Where do you want to go in life? (figuratively)

I want to be a good wife. Mother. Friend. Daughter. Sister....things like that! 

4. Where do you want to go in life? (literally)

Alaska.

5. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (figuratively)

Of course.  I have 3 kids....Im just getting where I can chew that....not to mention the other promises I make and have to follow through with! 

6. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (literally)

Never

7. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (figuratively)

Well I do sometimes think so but then reality hits and makes me think of how blessed I am.

8. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (literally)

Yep. Our yard sucks.  Thats what we get for moving in a house that college guys lived in for 5 years before.

9. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (figuratively)

No.  I deal! God is not going to hand me anything I cant deal with!

10. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (literally)

No. I just bitch about it!

House for Sale

I knew our house wouldn't sell in a week.  I knew this from the beginning.  I also know how mine and Matt's luck runs.  It might be an eternity before we sell it.  

I can't go anywhere until we do.  Well I could...but I won't.  I hate being in limbo. And that is exactly what we are in.

This sucks because I hate being alone.

HATE it with every ounce of my being.  Don't get me wrong, I have my kiddos here with me.  But when Matt leaves town for a few days at a time....I get lonely.  Adult kind of lonely.

Matt and I have endured long distance.  When we dated there was that time he lived in Houston for 10 months.  When we first married and I was pregnant with Ty he was only home on the weekends and traveled long distances all week.  Again when I was pregnant with Raegan he worked in Del Rio during the week and was home on the weekends.  And I pretty much never saw him when we owned the restaurant, but at least I could drive up to where he was when ever I wanted to see him.  

But now.  Right now at this very moment.  Its too hard for him to be gone.

Situations have changed.  We have 3 kids now.  We have school now.  We have a baby now.  We have a house for sale now.  I don't have as many friends to help me keep my sanity now.  I can handle ANYTHING....but I cant handle being alone.

I love all of the attention I get from the kids.  Really I do.  But I would really like to share it.  Maybe with Matt. 

But most of all I would LOVE for someone to pay attention to me.  I want someone to think I'm a big deal.  

I guess it goes with the territory.

And I know that it is all for a common goal.  We are working towards something.  It has been ME that has wanted to move back to Lubbock for so long and I cant bitch when Matt has finally made it happen! I mean really!

Poor guy.  Poor me.  I think that our lives will be so much easier and care free and uncomplicated once we get back there.  I truly think that.  For once on 8 years it will all fall into place for us.   

But in the mean time....

Anybody want to buy a house? 

Helpless..

Yesterday started just like any other Thursday.  Your typical getting ready for school and busting butt to get them there on time.  When I got a phone call while I was in Target.  My dear friend Opal called me and ask if I "happened to have" any extra clothes for a 2 year old.  This was weird since Opal doesn't have any kids, or know any little kids besides mine, or LIKE any kids for that matter!

Side note: A funny story about Opal... We used to work together and we were gossiping about an "ex" friend of ours (that in itself is another post, about the friend I mean) and she got up on her soap box about this girl and her three kids.

"And there was this one time she ACTUALLY asked me if I would watch her kids! I mean don't get me wrong, I like kids, but only a select few.  And her's don't fall into that category! I'm in college for Pete's sake...what the HELL do I want to watch her kids for? Honestly I just don't have the patience for kids!! Well...except for your kids...I like them...But I'll tell ya right now, don't ASK me to babysit. Cause I DON'T baby sit!"

Needless to say that is how she feels about that, I have never ask her to babysit, and shes a mess!

So you could see why I was wondering why she needed clothes for a 2 year old.  Well, she knows me and knows that I tend to keep everything.  Its borderline hoarding.  So I said of course, and she proceeded to tell me why she needs them, but then sends me a picture of this sweet child.  This sweet little curly blonde headed little girl, with these little expressionless eyes peeking out from under those same curls.  My heart broke.

Long story short, her sister works for CPS and had removed a little girl from a home, with just the clothes on her back.  Nothing else.  She needed some stuff.

Well, thats exactly what I have...stuff.  So I rushed home and met Opal and we went through my bin of 2T clothes and I started snatching out clothes.  A Halloween outfit, some jeans, some pjs, socks, I mean I just wanted to give this child EVERYTHING I had.  And had I thought she wasn't going to be moving around a lot and having to carry all this stuff with her...I would have.

I gave her 2 tote bags full of clothes, shoes, and stuff.  Opal was so grateful.  I didn't care.  My heart was breaking because the reality of the whole thing was, I just wanted to drive up to her sister's office and snatch that sweet baby up and bring her home.

About the time Opal drove off I thought of something. I ran got my phone and called her to come back.

I had forgot something.

I ran to Raegan's room and grabbed one of the dozens of baby dolls from her room and ran out to give it to Opal.

ANY little girl has to have a baby.  Thats just all there is to it.  And I thought, if this child was in a circumstance (which I still don't know, and don't want to know, because I am libel to find this bitch and beat the hell out of her for doing what ever was done to this child for her to be taken from her home) where she was removed from her home, it probably wasn't the greatest of conditions.  And she probably didn't have any toys, much less a baby.  And as we all know, little girls just have to have a baby.

I wanted to give her something that was hers, and maybe something that she could latch on to while she was going through such bull shit.

Opal said she LOVED it and her little eyes lit up at the sight of that baby...that baby that my daughter could have given a crap about and probably won't EVER miss.

Needless to say, I probably won't ever know what happened to that sweet little blonde with the curly hair.

That might just be a good thing.

I don't know.

But, my heart broke yesterday.  For a little girl I never even laid eyes on but can't stop thinking about.

Its Wednesday...

Yep. A day where I didn't want to get out of bed at 6am when the baby was hungry.

Where the 3 year old wakes up and is forced back to bed because I just might get 10 more minutes of sleep when I finish feeding the baby.

A kind of morning where Matt and I argued about how the other should parent our kids. 

Yep...its Wednesday.

I am exhausted.  

I'm tired of the bad grades my son is getting because he cant seem to understand the right way his letters ar supposed to face.  And he either doesn't care or doesn't grasp the concept of "grades" and that he is supposed to be getting good ones.  

Or the the 3 year old who doesn't listen to a word you say, has to get the last word in, and just really wants to do just about anything to make me mad. She drives me to insanity!

The baby.  Is perfect! Well I say perfect...she doesn't sleep during the day. EVER.  But she doesn't give me problems.  I can appreciate that. 

Nobody ever said parenting is easy. 

We are trying to sell our house.  We have had 1, yes 1, guy look at it once and want to look at it again.  He has made appointments 4 times and hasn't shown up to one.  

That is 4 times my house has been SPOTLESS with no one to look at it. 4.  And today he might or might not try to come again.  

After 3 weeks on the market we have a second person coming to look at the house too.

They will show it at 5pm. 

Matt has just left for Lubbock for 3 days.   

So I'm on my own. And some how I am going to try to have dinner for 3 kids and get homework done all while staying away from my house come 5 pm.  

Did I mention I'm on my own?

So now I have 3 fun filled days of keeping 3 kids from messing up the immaculately clean house.

3 days of hauling all the kids in the car to get Ty off to school at 7:30am.

3 days of being alone. And by alone I mean without an adult to have a converstaion with that doesn't involve Gushers, bad dreams, poop issues, or spelling words.  

3 days of being the main butt wiper.

3 days of doing it all.

BUT then I stop and think of this

And remember this....

And this face...

And think of how THIS won't last forever...

And think of how it is all sooooo worth every minute.

BUT

Wednesday, you can go to Hell.

Tuesday Ten

Today seems like a day to participate in a "Ten"! I guess it is because my mind is Jello, and since I have the house to myself (not counting the squealing baby) this is all I can find to do! 

1. Growing up, what was one favorite item that you had to have with you at all times?

I had a "blankie". On one side it was made4 of fleece that had been rubbed down to the most soft texture you could ever imagine. My Mom took it from me eventually because it had basically been torn to rags and she was afraid I would get it tied around my neck in my sleep.  Really...

2. Being an adult, what is one favorite item that you have to have with you at all times, and what happens if you do not have it with you? Do you lose your sanity or just go back home to get it?

My cell phone! Of course I would go back and get it, because I sometimes have 2 out of 3 kids off at school or what not and as soon as I don't have my phone someone will contact me as to some crying, bumped head, or an "episode"  that needs some attention!  I wish it was because I might miss a social call....but its not.

3. Where is your favorite place to be to just hide away from everything and breathe for a moment?

My back porch. Serenity now....

4. What is your favorite thing about your partner? (If you don’t have a partner, then someone who is very close and will always be in your life)

That he loves his family unconditionally! He is an amazing father and has some good intentions as a husband, God love him! But I dont know of any body that would put up with him! Seriously....watch Modern Family and he is the dad with the 3 kids. That is really him! He even agrees!

5. What is your favorite thing about your job? (If you don’t have a job, then what is your favorite thing that you do during your day?)

My favorite thing to do in my day is to cook dinner, or snuggle up on the couch with my kiddos and watch some tv.

6. What is your favorite lesson that your parents taught you growing up? Looking back, is it something that you want to use to teach your children when they reach that age?

I was taught many a lessons, but I think the most important one is the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you wold have them do unto you! Its something you carry on in life and never grow out of!

7. What is your favorite song, that will always bring a smile to your face and make you think of something happy?

Yellow by Cold Play. I love that song because it takes me back to a time in my life where Matt lived in Houston, we had been dating one year, and it was our first month in a long distance relationship.  I had gotten on a plane to go see him.  Life was just really crummy without him and I was the last one off of the plane into the terminal.  This song was playing when I saw him and just wrapped my arms around him.  I missed him so much and had been living life with a void.  At that moment everything seemed like it was "right", and everything was going to be "ok".  I loved him so much even way back then!

8. What is your favorite things about being an American? (If you not American, what are you proud of in regards to your country)

That I am free to make my own choices and I don't have anyone dictate what I can and can't do

9. What is your favorite meal that reminds you of being a child?

Steak fingers, macaroni and tomatoes, gravy, cheese salad, and iced tea. In that order.

10. Name 3 things that other people would say are their favorite thing about you.

I know how to have a great time and make some good memories, my personality, and my cooking.  At least I hope so!

Pointers

Yep...as much as I would love to post the most fantastic pictures of our weekend...sadly...I forgot my camera!  But lets just say that it is probably a good thing that I didn't have documentation of what went down! Ha!  We had a fantastic kid free weekend.  We shopped for houses (none that we couldn't live without), spent time with friends and family, and tailgated for the Tech game!  I am seriously going to write a book, because it seems like every time we get together with friends we have some hysterical stories to tell! I seriously could designate a chapter for each one! Here is just some insight to our weekend....without giving too much away! 

• Don't try to go out to eat the night before a BIG game in Lubbock, TX.  You won't find one! Its impossible. Don't get me wrong, I like 82nd street Cafe, but its definitely not my first choice!
• Also, don't go out to a bar/pub the night before a game. You wait too long for drinks, its crowded, and you spend too much money in the mean time.
• Don't hang out with any ex's. You broke up for a reason and just hanging out with them will remind you of why you broke up...but at the same time make you appreciate the fact that you only see them occasionally. 
• We had a great time with my brother and his new finance! We stayed at their house and I'm so glad we did! So fun!
• Get a plan BEFORE you head down to the "game area" and don't forget to do all your errand running prior to game day!
• If you don't buy tickets to the game because your husband is cheap and he suddenly has no desire to go into the game and the time comes when someone offers him their ticket at half time...even though it was really YOU that wanted to get ticket in the first place....and he goes in without you....it is definitely ok for you to use that as ammo when the next game comes around, you want tickets, and  he is being cheap...again.
• It is so important to take a good girlfriend and stay on the same drinking field as them. That way you can still people watch and have fun, but at the same time you don't find yourself apologizing to everyone about how drunk your friend got....and for her whacked out behavior!
• Take your camera!
• ALWAYS have a DD with you for after the festivities cause you never know when YOU will become the DD and have to put up with the staggering drunk that lives across town and he becomes your problem!!
• NEVER let your girlfriend think that she can fit a truck the size of a....well truck...in a space that is WAAAAY too small for the truck. Like the garage. Bad things happen. To the truck and to the house.
• DEFINITELY go to Raising Cane's drive through at 2am....I dare you not to laugh at the greeting...or the menu for that matter! For some reason it is hysterical!  
• Don't forget to eat between and during the festivities! Stay nourished and hydrated! I only remember 2 meals that we had ALL weekend because we were too busy having fun!
• During all of the hub bub don't think that you will be spending any quality time with your husband...especially if he is feeling EXTRA social. He will tend to act like he is running for office and forget that you are there.
• Don't try to spend a lot of time or make promises see everyone you know...its not going to happen. There just isn't enough time.
• You are 32... definitely not the same age as you were in college. Don't try to act like you are.  Try to be respectable and act like you are a mother of 3 and don't do anything you will have to apologize for later! (this is not aimed at myself but I witnessed these acts in others ha!)
• Above all don't try to make everyone happy. Someone is going to get left out or gripe about the decisions that is being made for the group. In the mean time...all the beer that you have consumed has gone to waste because you are the only one being rational!

We had a blast!

Inspiring

I LOVE this woman...

She is the bawdy red head I only wish I could be! Her music is amazing and she is such a genuine person! I have always liked listening to her music! Yesterday I saw her on Oprah. 

I despise referring to ANYTHING Oprah stands for or mentions but sometimes she has some good stuff on her show. I don't care for the woman or her "empire" but....with that said...she had Wynonna Judd on her show so I was enthralled!  She just has such a presence about her.   While I was watching this woman, who has followed a spiritual journey to basically get her crap together both personally and with God I heard her say the best thing,

"The best revenge is living well."

and

"I don't wake up every morning and say 'Oh God its morning' I say 'Good morning, God"

So profound, so admirable, and so inspiring!  She has really picked herself up after being in a deep and dark place and took control of her life. They also showed clips of her singing that has literally brought me to tears, because the woman sings with such passion and heart. You can feel it! We could all learn a lot from Miss Wynonna!