Some Things

I have not posted in a long time.


I don't feel bad....I just have had a lot going on.


So it calls for a list cause there is just too much to say.


1.  I love living in Lubbock...I finally feel like I am home, but the social aspects are killing me! ha!  Don't get me wrong, I love being close to my closest friends and family but I have been used to being on my "island" for 7 years with a lacking/selective social life.  So the shock of my brother coming over...just when ever, game night with friends, or going to my parents house just whenever I want is still taking some getting used to.  I love all of these things, that is not what I am saying, but I am not used to having so much going on! I love it....but it is taking some getting used to.  Hell it is taking some getting used to being with Matt every night and every lunch!


2.  I finally have people to cook for other than Aunt Meggy and Matt! And it is people who love food just as much as I do!


3.  I have started eating healthier.  Matt and I both.  I have since lost 4lbs in one week, now if I can just fit in the dreaded workout regimen I will be in good shape!


4.  Tyler is having some trouble adjusting to a new school, and I think I am having trouble adjusting to his new teacher.  She is.....well....ok.  I don't much care for the woman and she definitely hasn't done anything to make Tyler feel welcome in his new class.  I just don't think she will ever measure up to the AMAZING teacher we left in San Angelo.  Ever.  But I keep pushing him to be more positive and am trying to encourage him as bes as I can.


5.  I am feeling guilty that I have not called some of our friends that live here.  Our close friends....I don't know why I keep putting it off! I guess it is a little of #1 and my own procrastination issues.


6.  I love this house.  LOVE IT!  I will take pictures soon.


7.  My back is KILLING me.  I know it is because of gaining about 15lbs over the past 4 months.  I eat when I am stress, and this move hasn't made it any easier.  I am the fattest I have ever been.  I hate it and I know it is why my back is hurting so much.  I don't sleep at night and it is starting to take a toll on me.


8.  My baby is not sleeping very well again.  It is hit or miss with her sleep patterns.  I think I got up about 4 times last night and that was after going to sleep at 12:30.  It makes me miserable.  I should be able to just put her to bed at night and she drifts off to sleep and doesn't wake up until I'm ready for her to right? WRONG! I think the moon and stars have to be aligned just perfect and her left foot positioned just a certain way and her blanket sitting a certain way on her body....I could go on.  It is a bitch to put her to sleep at night and a bitch to wake up with her at night.  I have gotten into the habit of sticking a bottle in her mouth because I am so tired and don't want to have to jack with getting her back to sleep.  You would think that a 10 month old wouldn't' be waking up in the night and needing a bottle...but she does.  damn.


9.  Raegan started a new preschool that is absolutely AMAZING! I love it there and so does she! 3 days a week from 9 to noon! It is simply fantastic and she has a great teacher....it is truly a godsend that we got in there! They just happened to have one opening...and we got it! YAY! Thanks to my cousin, because without her I don't think we would have gotten the spot.


10.  Read this.... it kind of tell how I feel right now! I really relate to this woman and LOVE her stories...she is hysterical!


11.  I am so glad to be in the same town as my brother.  We have gotten so close and I appreciate all of the time we have gotten to spend together.  I absolutely adore his new wife and can not wait to see what the future holds for them.


12.  I am so glad to be so close to my best friend...both in distance and personally.  She is the best, and something about being in the same town makes it so much easier to pick up the phone and just "chat"!  She gets me better than anybody.  We have been pretty inseparable for the past  20+ years and I am so thankful to have her in my life!


13.  I love having Matt here any old time I want him.  It was really hard for those months to be separate while we sold the house.  I am so thankful for all of the time we have together now both alone and as a family.

Elated

One of my dearest friends had a baby yesterday.  

I was on edge from the time I woke up until I heard the news that Giada Renee had made her appearance into this world.  

Without me to be there.  

Cause everyone knows how I hate to miss ANYTHING.

But.....THIS...I had no choice.

So I waited.  Waited to hear that everything went ok.  That Mom, and especially baby were good.

You see I am 5 hours away.  And it is killing me.  Because when someone close to you has a baby for the first time, and you are a veteran at having babies (because you have 3), you feel like you need to be there.  Be there to tell them everything that no one told you.  

Things like how to keep you boobs from swelling cause you are not going to breastfeed, that you CAN wear your own pjs instead of the fashionable hospital gown, that you can take you OWN bottles to the hospital (and use them), that you can put your baby in any ol' outfit you want (cause she is yours)...you know? 

Things like that.  

But no.

I am here.  

In Lubbock.  Hoping that someone is there....there to tell her exactly what to do when her sweet little angel baby cries.  

Sigh   

Its one of those situations where life is going on...without you.  And there is nothing you can do about it.  

Bleh.

Why do I always have this incessant urge to be a part of EVERYTHING that happens to EVERYONE close to me?

Needless to say....she is beautiful.  Head full of red hair.  And deep down...I hope it stays that way.  Because redheads, as you know, have free spirits.  Are headstrong and full of personality....are the most fun people in the world.

I should know.

I am one. HA!

And I would love nothing more than this child to fill their hearts and lives full of more joy than you can imagine.  Because I don't think they know just what is in store for them, and what a child is going to bring to their lives. I don't think either one of them has felt joy like that in their lives.  And I cant wait to see them go through it.  

Especially with one another.

Being a parent is the single most amazing thing you will ever do in your entire life.

I think the world of Kyle and Kristina and I can't wait to watch their sweet Giada grow.

Just perfect.

Hiatus!

We have moved and I will not have internet until next Wednesday...I might die without it! But I will post pics of the new place when we get it...

Everything is Chaos!

In a good way....of course!  I just wanted to update since I found a minute.  


We sold our house!


We are currently shopping for one in Lubbock!


I have made 3 trips to Lubbock in the past week.....I'm exhausted!


We are on our second offer.  Second house.  


We have lots of choices so I'm not too worried.


What I am worried about is where we are having Christmas.  But I am at the point that I don't care WHERE we spend it as long as we get to have it with the kids.  Which I'm sure we will.  The rest of the family is just details.  


Maybe an even bigger worry should be the fact that we are officially homeless on December 29th.  


Wow.  


I'm not too worried because we have places to go....but I'm working on it.  


I still have lots of Christmas shopping to do and limited funds.  No big deal.  We are just trying to buy a house.  But its no different than every other year where we don't have any money. 


We have a busy month.


I have my brother's wedding in Fredericksburg on the weekend of the 18th, which I'm so excited about.  But still have nothing for the entire family to wear.


Actually here is a list of things to do:

1. Pack up the house, but keep the necessities readily available in case we have to live at my parents for a couple of weeks.
2. Cringe at #1.
3. Get enough boxes for #1 to be possible.
4. Find stuff for all 5 of us to wear to the wedding.
5. Find a place to live (house to buy)
6. Finish Christmas shopping.
7. Make sure our bills are paid so we get financing for a new house.
8. Cringe at #1 again.
9. Wrap all Christmas presents.
10. Try to bake all of the goodies that help make Christmas special.
11. Get Aubry's pictures done ASAP....possibly Raegan and Ty too!
12. Go online and get wedding present for my brother.
13. Figure out what I am going to do with my hair so I don't look like shit at my brother's wedding.
14. Christmas cards done and sent.
15. Have a nervous breakdown at #1
16. Get a date for a move depending on #5 closing date.  
17. Schedule a UHAUL depending on #16.

There is crap tons more in my head but you get the idea.  

Hey, Get a Cup Towel

The dreaded words that i absolutely hated hearing.  The words my Mom always said on any given evening, as far back as I can remember.  


They still, to this day, make my skin crawl!  


Get a cup towel always meant that my Mom needed me to dry the dishes.  Annnnd put them away as I went! 


We had a dishwasher.  


What the HELL?


Well the other night as I was doing my own dishes.  My own, 32 year old, dishes I realized something.  I was alone.  Doing the dishes by myself.  And even though I enjoy peace and quiet ANY time I can get it, it was odd. It was odd listening to all of the household commotion going on in the background of my own thoughts.  


Matt was wrestling Raegan into her pajamas, Tyler was singing, and Aubry was babbling and hollering at the top of her lungs.  That was ok with me.  I loved the fact that Matt finally had his turn at doing what I do everyday. 


It actually made me laugh to myself.  


And I know that, in his head, he was thinking about how much bullshit it is to have to do all of the bullshit he was having to do.  And where on earth is my wife? AND WHY ISN'T SHE HELPING ME?!?!?  


I guarantee that is exactly what went through the Dad brain of his.


But I kept washing.


Alone.


With my thoughts.


And I got all nostalgic for a minute.  I remembered how every night, without fail,  my Mom would tell me to get a cup towel.  She needed help with the dishes.  I remember how I hated it.  How bad it sucked.


And while I was alone that very minute, in my own grown up kitchen, I suddenly wished I had someone to talk to.  Then I started thinking of all of the talks we had.  How we bonded every night over the dishes.  


I realized.  For about 45 minutes of my mother's day, she had my attention.  And I hers.  And we would talk.  


We would talk about our day.  Talk about my dad, brother, or whoever the hell we needed to hash out.  We would laugh, we would talk about anything that came to mind, but most importantly we would connect.  We would connect with each other like we would not otherwise have done....without those dishes.


I mean, we had a dishwasher, but my mom insisted that I help dry the dishes. And I know now, that it was just an excuse so she could have me all to herself.


What woman LIKES to do dishes?  My 12 year old brain was convinced that it was MY mom!  


But now, my 32 year old brain knows now that it was just her trying to keep that line of communication open with her teenage daughter.   


I know that now.  I wished I knew it then, and could appreciate it as much as I do now.


Because after all, I now have two daughters of my own, and I only hope that we have the kind of relationship that THEY can talk to me in that same way I used to talk to my Mom.


Now when I go home to visit, and I see my mom start the dishwater, without thinking, I "Grab a Cup Towel" without being told.  Because, now, I enjoy spending that time with my mom.  Just being in her kitchen.  Having a chat. 


So, one of these days, when Raegan and Aubry are old enough to "Grab a Cup Towel" I will get the same eye roll that I used to give my Mom.  But I can over look it.  


You know why? 


Because that will mean that I get them, for at least 45 minutes, all to myself.