Sleep. Oh How I Miss You.

I think there is something wrong with my sweet baby.  She hasn't slept good in a few weeks.  I think she might have an ear infection.  She has been stuffy and cruddy.  And waking up every hour in the night. 

I have the humidifier going and the Tylenol in full flow.  But I hate to take her to the doctor in fear that he will tell me it is just me.

That I'm nuts.

But as the Mom.  

I know. 

She is just not herself.

Then. Today. The fever reared its ugly head.

As much as I don't want to wish sickness on my child.  

I am glad.  Cause I knew.

As the Mom.

She just wasn't herself. 

So to end a lazy weekend full of Disney movies, HGTV, and Wii games we have a sick baby.  

And a 3 year old on the verge.

{Sigh}

On a day several years ago.  And just one baby in to this life.  I would have set up shop to prepare for the fever. The sleepless nights.  Not leave the house except for the doctor.  Quarantine I would call it.  

But not now. 

Three kiddos in to this life....We go to the park instead.  Cause Hell, she is already sick.  

Horrible I know!

And BTW....I love THIS story.  It makes me cry every time I read it.  And I just love how beautiful she is.

Tuesday Ten

Here is my Tuesday Ten!!  Also, justin case there might be anyone who reads this silly thing then PLEASE pray for us to sell our house! Please...




1. What’s the one thing you always do when you’re stressed?
Smoke.  I only do it when I'm stressed or socially.

2. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done for a friend?
I don't think I have had to do any weird things for friends.  Odd.

3. What cleaning supply could you not live without?
Windex

4. How long do you plan on living where you currently reside?
Not long at all.  It is for sale...wanna buy it? Cause I have found the house to move to already and am just waiting to sell this one.

5. Do you usually vote straight party, a mixture, or not at all?
I dont vote for things I know nothing about...like politics.

6. What’s something that you love to do, but seem to never make time for?
Read or cook.

7. What’s your favorite store to buy things for other people?
Eggameyers

8. What’s the weather like around you today?
FANTASTIC!!

9. What’s the worst book you’ve ever bought and read?
Second Chance by Jane Green.  She usually has some great stuff...not this one!

10. What’s the closest thing to you that is yellow?
The flowers on my baby's jammies.  Yes.  I know its 10:40 am and I have not gotten her dressed for the day.  So?

Tuesday Ten

This comes from this blog! I love it!

1. What keeps you up at night? (figuratively)

Life.  My life.  Other peoples lives.  I worry about everything when laying in bed!  And since I wake up several times in a night it leaves lots of time for worry.

2. What keeps you up at night? (literally)

The baby's paci falls out of her mouth and I have to get up and put it back in.  Raegan pees the bed and I have to get up and put her in the shower and change sheets all while not waking up the baby. Matt snores or breathes his hot breath in my face.

3. Where do you want to go in life? (figuratively)

I want to be a good wife. Mother. Friend. Daughter. Sister....things like that! 

4. Where do you want to go in life? (literally)

Alaska.

5. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (figuratively)

Of course.  I have 3 kids....Im just getting where I can chew that....not to mention the other promises I make and have to follow through with! 

6. Have you ever bit off more than you could chew? (literally)

Never

7. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (figuratively)

Well I do sometimes think so but then reality hits and makes me think of how blessed I am.

8. Is the grass really greener on the other side of the fence? (literally)

Yep. Our yard sucks.  Thats what we get for moving in a house that college guys lived in for 5 years before.

9. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (figuratively)

No.  I deal! God is not going to hand me anything I cant deal with!

10. If you can’t stand the heat, do you get out of the kitchen? (literally)

No. I just bitch about it!

House for Sale

I knew our house wouldn't sell in a week.  I knew this from the beginning.  I also know how mine and Matt's luck runs.  It might be an eternity before we sell it.  

I can't go anywhere until we do.  Well I could...but I won't.  I hate being in limbo. And that is exactly what we are in.

This sucks because I hate being alone.

HATE it with every ounce of my being.  Don't get me wrong, I have my kiddos here with me.  But when Matt leaves town for a few days at a time....I get lonely.  Adult kind of lonely.

Matt and I have endured long distance.  When we dated there was that time he lived in Houston for 10 months.  When we first married and I was pregnant with Ty he was only home on the weekends and traveled long distances all week.  Again when I was pregnant with Raegan he worked in Del Rio during the week and was home on the weekends.  And I pretty much never saw him when we owned the restaurant, but at least I could drive up to where he was when ever I wanted to see him.  

But now.  Right now at this very moment.  Its too hard for him to be gone.

Situations have changed.  We have 3 kids now.  We have school now.  We have a baby now.  We have a house for sale now.  I don't have as many friends to help me keep my sanity now.  I can handle ANYTHING....but I cant handle being alone.

I love all of the attention I get from the kids.  Really I do.  But I would really like to share it.  Maybe with Matt. 

But most of all I would LOVE for someone to pay attention to me.  I want someone to think I'm a big deal.  

I guess it goes with the territory.

And I know that it is all for a common goal.  We are working towards something.  It has been ME that has wanted to move back to Lubbock for so long and I cant bitch when Matt has finally made it happen! I mean really!

Poor guy.  Poor me.  I think that our lives will be so much easier and care free and uncomplicated once we get back there.  I truly think that.  For once on 8 years it will all fall into place for us.   

But in the mean time....

Anybody want to buy a house? 

Helpless..

Yesterday started just like any other Thursday.  Your typical getting ready for school and busting butt to get them there on time.  When I got a phone call while I was in Target.  My dear friend Opal called me and ask if I "happened to have" any extra clothes for a 2 year old.  This was weird since Opal doesn't have any kids, or know any little kids besides mine, or LIKE any kids for that matter!

Side note: A funny story about Opal... We used to work together and we were gossiping about an "ex" friend of ours (that in itself is another post, about the friend I mean) and she got up on her soap box about this girl and her three kids.

"And there was this one time she ACTUALLY asked me if I would watch her kids! I mean don't get me wrong, I like kids, but only a select few.  And her's don't fall into that category! I'm in college for Pete's sake...what the HELL do I want to watch her kids for? Honestly I just don't have the patience for kids!! Well...except for your kids...I like them...But I'll tell ya right now, don't ASK me to babysit. Cause I DON'T baby sit!"

Needless to say that is how she feels about that, I have never ask her to babysit, and shes a mess!

So you could see why I was wondering why she needed clothes for a 2 year old.  Well, she knows me and knows that I tend to keep everything.  Its borderline hoarding.  So I said of course, and she proceeded to tell me why she needs them, but then sends me a picture of this sweet child.  This sweet little curly blonde headed little girl, with these little expressionless eyes peeking out from under those same curls.  My heart broke.

Long story short, her sister works for CPS and had removed a little girl from a home, with just the clothes on her back.  Nothing else.  She needed some stuff.

Well, thats exactly what I have...stuff.  So I rushed home and met Opal and we went through my bin of 2T clothes and I started snatching out clothes.  A Halloween outfit, some jeans, some pjs, socks, I mean I just wanted to give this child EVERYTHING I had.  And had I thought she wasn't going to be moving around a lot and having to carry all this stuff with her...I would have.

I gave her 2 tote bags full of clothes, shoes, and stuff.  Opal was so grateful.  I didn't care.  My heart was breaking because the reality of the whole thing was, I just wanted to drive up to her sister's office and snatch that sweet baby up and bring her home.

About the time Opal drove off I thought of something. I ran got my phone and called her to come back.

I had forgot something.

I ran to Raegan's room and grabbed one of the dozens of baby dolls from her room and ran out to give it to Opal.

ANY little girl has to have a baby.  Thats just all there is to it.  And I thought, if this child was in a circumstance (which I still don't know, and don't want to know, because I am libel to find this bitch and beat the hell out of her for doing what ever was done to this child for her to be taken from her home) where she was removed from her home, it probably wasn't the greatest of conditions.  And she probably didn't have any toys, much less a baby.  And as we all know, little girls just have to have a baby.

I wanted to give her something that was hers, and maybe something that she could latch on to while she was going through such bull shit.

Opal said she LOVED it and her little eyes lit up at the sight of that baby...that baby that my daughter could have given a crap about and probably won't EVER miss.

Needless to say, I probably won't ever know what happened to that sweet little blonde with the curly hair.

That might just be a good thing.

I don't know.

But, my heart broke yesterday.  For a little girl I never even laid eyes on but can't stop thinking about.